


this is called growing up, darling.

by kiddingway



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: 2jin - Freeform, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/F, High School, Marijuana, Neglectful Parents, Stress Relief, Substance Abuse, help hyunjin out shes perishing, hyerim but twins, idk man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:20:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28228290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiddingway/pseuds/kiddingway
Summary: There's too much on Hyunjin's shoulders and Heejin just wants to help her through it.
Relationships: Jeon Heejin/Kim Hyunjin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 35





	this is called growing up, darling.

"Don't you feel like the world is always against you?" Hyunjin swung her legs forward, trying to keep the momentum she had on the swing set, the chains squeaking every time she went back and forth, the bottom of her feet sometimes kicking the pebbles below and sending them flying out in front of her.

"Yeah, I guess. Doesn't everyone?" Heejin asked, maintaining the same rhythm as Hyunjin on her own swing.

Hyunjin deflated at that answer, feeling as though her experience was a bit more particular to everyone else. But maybe that wasn't the case. After all, she wasn't the only one drowning in problems, she couldn't think so selfishly since there were people much worse off than her. 

She should feel grateful; lucky to have privileges in life. 

It didn't stop the tug in her mind that rerouted her back to her current problems. 

Her swings became less forceful, letting the laws of physics bring her back to a low rock back and forth over the smooth pebbles below her. "Yeah, you're right," she mumbled, crossing her arms around the chains and over her chest as she leaned forward. Heejin stilled her seat until she was even with Hyunjin. 

"Is there something wrong?" she asked thoughtfully. From her peripheral, Hyunjin could see Heejin looking towards her, no doubt a worried expression on her face. 

So she forced herself to relax, leaning back to turn to Heejin and shrugging nonchalantly, "I was just wonderin', y' know?" 

Heejin didn't look so convinced, much to Hyunjin's dismay. "Well, yeah, but it's not usually something _you_ talk about."

"Okay, then let's talk about something else," Hyunjin quickly said, taking the opportunity to switch topics at the drop of a hat, not letting Heejin dwell on the subject. "Let's talk about..." she trailed off, drawing out the word as she looked around the small playground; the streetlamps starting to flicker on as the town darkened and grew cooler, a few cars drove past the playground, their headlights briefly illuminating the chainlink fence that surrounded them. A quick glance up and she could see a few stars poking out of some clouds that drifted by, obscuring the moon and its brilliance. "Space!"

Instantaneously, a small smile formed on Heejin's lips, and Hyunjin knew she was on the right track. "You always talk about space, Hyun." There was no malice in her voice, just subtle amusement. 

"Because there's so much to talk about!" she exclaimed, emphasizing her point as she outstretched her arms to the side, giving her the chance to grab onto Heejin's swing and pull her closer. "Is that a problem?" she asked feigning innocence, leaning in toward Heejin with a goofy grin as she leaned away with a laugh. 

"Okay, okay!" Heejin placed her hand on Hyunjin's forehead, keeping her at bay so she wasn't all up in her face. "Talk your little heart out about space." 

"Really?" Hyunjin couldn't help but perk up, excitement bubbling beneath the surface at the chance of being able to talk about her favorite subject ( _and_ distract herself from any and every problem she had). 

Nodding, Heejin bent down to give her a light kiss to her knuckles, encouraging her to go on. 

"Haven't you ever wondered how cool it'd be to live on Pluto?"

⚀⚁⚂

"Text me when you get home?"

Hyunjin nodded, instinctively lifting her arm up when Heejin stepped forward to embrace her. She kissed the crown of her head, smiling when Heejin tightened her arms around her.

Hyunjin never really liked departing from Heejin.

They were standing outside Heejin's house, a regular occurrence after they go to the playground even if it was a little out of the way for Hyunjin—she'd never let Heejin walk home alone, especially not in the evening.

"Be safe, okay?" Heejin said, propping her chin up on Hyunjin's chest. 

"I know, I know," Hyunjin replied with a small, tired smile on her face because of Heejin's worry. 

"Don't talk to strangers," Heejin added, still not parting from Hyunjin. 

Rolling her eyes, Hyunjin only leaned down to give Heejin a chaste kiss to ease her worries. "Goodnight, Heejin." 

Her girlfriend grumbled a goodnight back, giving Hyunjin one last lingering kiss before she let go and sauntered inside her house (not before waving Hyunjin goodbye).

And then Hyunjin was left alone outside, her hoodie doing little to protect her from the harsh temperature that steadily kept dropping the later it got. She didn't mind it, however, it was better than all the things she might have to face when she got back home. 

So she turned away from Heejin's house, slowly making her way back to hers, taking her sweet time before she had to do all the things her parents couldn't. Just thinking about it made her feel exhausted. 

Sooner than she would have liked, she was rounding the bend to her house. Dread filled her core, but before she would forget, she took her phone out to send a quick text to Heejin like she promised. And when she took the keys out to unlock the front door, she found herself hesitating, knowing what she'll have to face before she could get a little time for herself. 

But she inserted the key anyway, twisting the lock open and using her shoulder to get inside. "I'm home!" she called out, closing the door behind her just as she heard quick footsteps running her way.

"Hyunnie!" Coming from around the hallway, Yerim bounded straight to Hyunjin, immediately wrapping her arms around her stomach in a tight hug.

"Hey, Yerim," she greeted warmly despite the exhaustion seeping in her bones. "Where's Hyejoo?" Yerim pointed down the hallway, meaning she was in their room. "Mom and dad home?" Yerim shook her head, which made the weight on Hyunjin's chest ease a little bit knowing she didn't have to deal with either of them. "Okay, did you guys eat dinner?"

Yerim shook her head again, causing Hyunjin to hold in the sigh that nearly escaped when she realized their dad didn't bother to make them anything before he left, and who knew where their mom was.

"Can we have mac 'n' cheese?" Yerim asked, looking up and detaching herself from Hyunjin. 

Mutely, Hyunjin nodded, grateful that Yerim didn't ask for something that would take a lot of effort and time. "Why don't you get Hyejoo and I'll whip something up for us, all right?" 

"Okay!" And with that, her baby sister skipped away leaving Hyunjin to meander in the kitchen while she searched for three cups of macaroni and cheese. She even got out the baby carrots so they could eat some vegetables as well. 

As she was getting the cups into the microwave, the twins emerged from their room and clambered onto the stools situated at the counter. After punching in a couple minutes into the microwave, Hyunjin went over to the counter and rested her arms over it, watching Hyejoo play some game on their old iPad while Yerim leaned over to watch her as well. 

"When your food's ready you better put that away," Hyunjin said, resting placing her chin in her hand as she pushed the bag of baby carrots between them. 

Hyejoo grumbled something under her breath, continuing to play her game but at least Yerim reached over to eat some of the carrots Hyunjin put out for her. 

When the microwaved beeped at her, Hyunjin spun around to get the macaroni out, setting them down in front of the twins and herself before tearing the three packets to pour them into the bowls. When she gave each of them a fork to stir in the cheese, Yerim worked right away but Hyejoo was still distracted by the game she was playing. 

So with a baby carrot hanging out of her mouth, Hyunjin reached forward and grabbed the iPad, putting it over on her side and out of reach even as Hyejoo began to protest. "Eat," Hyunjin demanded, stirring Hyejoo's bowl for her. "Then you can get it back."

It was pretty ironic, Hyunjin thought, how much of a parent she was acting when she still had some growing up to do. It should be her mom or dad making her sisters dinner instead of relying on their oldest daughter to raise them. 

Hyunjin shook her head at the thought. 

"Can we watch a movie?" Yerim asked after eating a mouthful. 

Before Hyunjin gave her an answer, she checked the time on her phone and wondered if it would hurt that much to watch a movie with them. But they did have school tomorrow and Hyunjin wasn't sure if she was keen on losing some sleep. 

"Right now?" she asked Yerim, her voice pitching a little higher, tilting her head from side to side, and making her sister giggle.

"Please?" she drawled out the word, giving Hyunjin a big, big toothy grin.

But Hyunjin _really_ didn´t want to stay up late and wake up early in the morning.

"I'll tell you what," Hyunjin said, shoving her macaroni into her mouth before pointing the fork at Yerim. "If you and Hyejoo go to sleep early tonight and help out with dinner tomorrow, then we can watch _two_ movies." 

Yerim propped herself up on the counter with her hands. "Really?" she exclaimed, growing excited at the mere idea. 

"Really really," Hyunjin nodded. 

Hyejoo, although not partaking in the conversation, looked on curiously before she cut in with a hand between her and Yerim. " _Any_ movie?" she questioned, her eyes narrowed and her mouth set in a thin line. 

The theatric made Hyunjin smile. 

"I'll stretch it to PG 13." 

"Yes!"

"No!"

Yerim and Hyejoo had exclaimed at the same time but both wielding varying emotions to the proposition. Hyunjin couldn't contain her laughter—Yerim in such distress about Hyejoo's choices in movies were too amusing. 

"But Hye always wants to watch scary movies!" Yerim cried out. 

"It's better than your Disney shit!" 

Hyunjin nearly choked on her macaroni. 

"Whoa! Hey, hey!" She looked at the youngest incredulously, baffled to hear such profanities from someone so small. "Don't talk like that, 'specially to your sister." Hyunjin gestured at Yerim. 

Hyejoo grumbled an apology to Yerim, playing with her food as she sulked in her seat. 

Shaking her head, Hyunjin munched on a carrot thoughtfully. "We'll decide the movies tomorrow." Then, in a quieter voice, Hyunjin mumbled, "Where the hell did you even pick that up from, anyway?" And just as it had slipped out, Hyunjin connected the dots. 

Because, of course, she learned it from her big sister. 

Hyunjin made a mental note to be more careful about what she said around her sisters from then on.

The three of them fell into silence after that, content to finish their meek dinner. Hyejoo was even urged to eat some carrots with some silent encouragement from Yerim. 

When Hyunjin was collecting their empty cups and forks, Yerim spoke up, "Can Heejin come tomorrow, too?" 

Hyunjin froze at first, a little apprehensive to bring her girlfriend over to their house in case either of their parents were home. But she knew how much the twins liked having Heejin around—they might even like Heejin more than their own sister, except Hyunjin didn't even have the heart to be bitter about it. 

Shaking herself out of her initial hesitance, Hyunjin continued cleaning up, "We'll see. She might be busy tomorrow, but I'll ask." 

And it might be true; Heejin could very well have other plans or be preoccupied with other things.

But that was to be decided tomorrow. For now, she had to get the twins to bed. 

Spinning around and clapping her hands together, she slightly startled Hyejoo (who was trying to stretch across the counter to grab at the iPad) and garnered Yerim's attention back to her. "All right, buckaroos," Hyunjin started, a very bad southern drawl accenting her voice as she closed one eye and mimed a gun with her hand, aiming at her sisters who stood frozen. "Y'all better get your little butts to the bathroom to brush your teeth! And then off to bed!" 

Yerim already had an excited grin on her face but Hyejoo had a look of defiance in her eyes, something Hyunjin recognized all too well. 

"Or what!" she countered, her voice rising as she brazenly challenged Hyunjin, using her hands to prop herself up on the counter like Yerim did before. 

Hyunjin gasped dramatically, one hand flying to her chest in feign shock causing Yerim to laugh at her antics. "You dare speak against me?" Even Hyejoo couldn't contain her giggles. "Then it's off with your heads!" Hyunjin was sure she was mixing up the timelines a little bit, but she couldn't care about that when she had gremlins to chase. 

She dashed around the counter, Yerim and Hyejoo screaming in delight as they scrambled to get off their stools, Hyunjin stalling and acting menacingly as she gave them the chance to get some space between them. "Yeah, you better run!" she yelled, finally giving chase down the hallway with Yerim just barely ahead of Hyejoo. 

Yerim was able to duck into their room, but Hyejoo wasn't so fortunate; being scooped up by Hyunjin as she was hoisted over her shoulder laughing all the while. Stomping exaggeratedly into the twins' room, Hyunjin threw Hyejoo down onto her Yerim's bed before rising her clenched fists over her head in victory, standing over her both of them. "I win," she stated calmly despite the rapid rise and fall of her chest, but it was quickly drowned out by her sisters' continuous giggles as they lied on the bed trying to recover from their adrenaline rush. 

For a moment, Hyunjin was afraid she had energized them and that they wouldn't go to sleep so easily. 

But, much to Hyunjin's relief, they started to calm down after a moment, Yerim even yawned and Hyejoo was rubbing at one of her eyes tiredly. 

"All right, kiddos," Hyunjin started, stepping back toward the door as she gestured to them. "Get your PJs on and get your teeth brushed." 

Mutely, they both nodded in unison, getting off the bed and going to their drawer for their pajamas. Hyunjin left them to it, closing the door behind her as they got ready, going over to her own room to do the same. And when she got hers situated, she went back over to the check on the twins, only to find them in the bathroom already squeezing toothpaste onto their respective toothbrushes. Hyunjin stood behind them and followed suit, easily towering over Yerim and Hyejoo while they were just tall enough to look over the sink.

When they all finished, Hyunjin ushered the two of them back to their room, turning on their night lights by their beds, and then switching off the main lights. She went to each of their beds (Hyunjin noticed Yerim holding on tightly to the old cat stuffed animal she used to have when she was little, feeling the twinge in her heart at how much Yerim loved the toy) and made sure they were tucked in before she went over to their door. "Goodnight," Hyunjin said, waiting for them to say it back—Yerim reciprocated immediately and Hyejoo sounded like she was seconds away from knocking out. 

With that, Hyunjin gently shut the door, a sigh escaping her as she trudged over to her own room, stifling a yawn as she stumbled through the dark to get to her bed. Groggily, she checked her phone responding to the cat picture Heejin sent her with a smile and then sent Ryujin a half-hearted insult after she jokingly made fun of her earlier. 

And when she put her phone down, she was finally alone with her thoughts. All the doubts and negativity that had been held at bay by other distractions were suddenly running rampant in her exhausted mind. In an effort to push them away, Hyunjin shifted until she was closer to the window right next to her bed, moving the curtains out of the way to look up at the sky no longer obscured by dark clouds.

She was just fortunate to live somewhere where the stars were easy to see—little pollution around the area made it that much better for her to stargaze whenever she liked. And it was certainly a distraction she always welcomed, especially if it allowed her mind to drift off and visualize herself floating among the stars, decked out in a spacesuit she always envisioned herself wearing, seeing earth from a glorious new perspective. 

It was far better than being grounded in reality. 

Briefly, her eyes darted down to the dab pen she had hidden on the windowsill behind the curtains. For a moment, she almost gave in to the temptation of getting a little high—just to take the edge off—but forced herself to look away. She could do it later. She could do it when she was feeling more stressed or if she just needed to feel that peak.

Hyunjin ran a hand down her face, finding the craving harder to ignore when it was right in her reach. But she knew she couldn't. It was bad enough relying on marijuana to temporarily make her feel good, but being along the lines of addiction was something she couldn't risk. Not when her dad was already in the deep end of it. 

Still, she found herself reaching over to grab it, pressing the button five times to turn it on. Besides, she always felt at her best when she was high, why not feel it for a little before she went to sleep?

Hyunjin was lifting it up to her mouth, pressing her finger down and inhaling it deeply, feeling the vapor enter and fill her lungs. Just as she was about to blow out, her door creaked open and startled her so much that her breath hitched and all the vapor that was inside her body suddenly got choked up and threw her into a coughing fit. 

"Hyunnie?" she heard Yerim call out but Hyunjin's eyes were watering and her chest ached all over as she coughed her lungs out. Hastily, she put her pen back on the windowsill and out of sight as Yerim _and_ Hyejoo stood by the doorway to her room, their hands linked and looking so small in the dark.

After getting a grip over herself, Hyunjin rubbed her eyes free of the tears and cleared her throat. "Can't sleep?" she asked. She already knew the answer; the twins always had trouble sleeping if neither of their parents were home. 

The two of them nodded in unison and Hyunjin sighed, lifting the covers of her bed up, she silently invited them over to which they did with no hesitation. Hyejoo climbed over first, situating herself on Hyunjin's left side right under the window while Yerim was on the other side. They tucked themselves right next to their big sister, both of them laying their heads on Hyunjin's arms as they clung to her. 

And although she should feel a little annoyed at not having her own space, she really couldn't be mad at them—not at all. 

The dull ache in her chest was a reminder of what she had almost fallen victim to and she was glad her sisters had unintentionally intervened. 

"Goodnight," Yerim whispered, shifting herself closer to Hyunjin while holding onto the cat plushie. 

"Goodnight," Hyejoo followed right after. 

"Yeah," Hyunjin sighed out. "Goodnight."

* * *

haha heeyyyyyy

I'm back and with another. yes, another. new. story.

and i still have a lot more hidden in the drafts bc my brain hates sticking to routine <3

hopefully this is one you enjoy and if you wanna yell at me or sumn you can do that on my [twt ](https://twitter.com/kiiddway)or [cc ](https://curiouscat.qa/Kiiddway)


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